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How is counselling different to talking to a friend? |
| Posted on Apr 15 2009 |
| News / Articles >> Articles |
Have you ever had a problem that you did not know how to solve, and talked to a friend or colleague about it? The conversation might go something like this:
You: I just don’t know what to do. I really don’t like my job. It pays well, but I’m not happy. My boss is so snappy all the time, and I take it to heart. He just doesn’t seem to know how much it affects me. I really like everyone else I work with, but I’m not sure the role is really what I wanted anyway. I really wanted something where I wasn’t in the office all day. On the other hand, it’s close to where I live, and I never have to work overtime.
Friend One: It sounds like you should get out. Your boss sounds awful, and you’ll get another job easily. It’s not worth the money especially as it’s not exactly what you want to do anyway. You should quit!
Perhaps then you have the same conversation with another friend, colleague, or family member. Their response might go as follows:
Friend Two: Maybe your boss is just having a tough time from his boss? You did say things were tough at the moment in your industry. Plus, it’s a recession, and finding another job won’t be easy, so although it’s not quite what you want at least you have a job. You should stick it out!
Okay so this is a simplistic view, but you see what I am trying to say. No two people will view things the same way. But now consider the advice Friend One gave you in light of a few facts: Friend One has jumped from job to job all his life. He has never stayed in a job for longer than 6 months, and dislikes confrontation.
And perhaps Friend Two is feeling guilty knowing she is sometimes difficult to work for. She hopes that her secretary does not feel this way about her.
This information changes your perception of the advice given somewhat, does it not?
A good counsellor, psychotherapist or hypnotherapist is trained to be aware of their own issues. Any good psychotherapist is aware of how a client and a therapist can pick up on one another’s feelings and how their background affects their belief system. For this reason, they will have supervision with another, experienced therapist, who will ensure that they are not bringing their own issues into the therapy session.
What’s more, a counsellor, hypnotherapist or psychotherapist will rarely give advice, but help their client to see their issues in a different light. A professional therapist will establish what the client hopes to gain from therapy, and empower the client to trust their own judgement and to come to their own conclusions, rather than trying to influence them to be like them, as a friend or family member might.
When you engage in counselling, hypnotherapy, or psychotherapy, you can reasonably expect your therapist to have undergone therapy for some considerable time themselves, and be used to examining their own issues. You can be sure when you see a well qualified counsellor from a reputable training establishment that part of their training will have involved many hours of personal therapy.
An experienced therapist will also have an advantage that a friend or family member does not; no prior knowledge of the client and no personal involvement in their lives to affect their opinion.
Forums could also be viewed as impartial and indeed, can often be a good source of practical advice.
However, people rapidly become members of an online community and a sense of belonging is often their reason for frequenting forums. Whether and what someone chooses to write will often be affected by this factor. Ask yourself, how much do you really know about those online users, and what is their motivation for helping? Sometimes, they may not want to really help, if it is a shared problem that they have a vested interest in holding onto. Advice given on forums can often be wildly inappropriate, unsubstantiated, and even dangerous. When you take the advice of online users, you risk being affected by their issues.
Equally, how much can they really know about you? Are they trained or able from behind their computer to see the nuances of body language, tonality of voice, or to recognise language patterns and themes of issues from before, or to use their skills to know when something is too painful for you to talk about?
Ask yourself, when you speak to someone you know or discuss a problem with an online community, does the person you are talking to have an awareness based on training and experience of what you might not be saying, and can they sense by their intuition what you are really experiencing when even you are not sure? Do they have a”toolkit” of techniques you can use to make positive change, and is what they say backed by research and evidence?
Having usually been through the therapeutic process to great depths themselves (not all types of counselling require this, but most do) the therapist will have an understanding of how it feels to be a counselling client, to experience a range of emotions from feeling vulnerable, to foolish, to frightened, to ashamed, as well as the sense of relief, joy, or the dawning of realisation as they bring into their awareness something previously unconscious. They too have placed their trust in another qualified counsellor, psychotherapist or hypnotherapist.
By seeking the help of a properly trained professional you are looking to enlist the help of someone who remains unconditionally positive towards you and whose actions when affiliated to an organisation are accountable. Your issues are treated in confidence and empathically, they will not judge you, and they have your best interests at heart.
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Last changed: Mar 19 2010 at 11:24 AM
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